Tears - they are right there on the surface.

I broke down and made the call. I called the clinic that we saw a couple of weeks ago and asked them point-blank, if they would be willing to do a FET with donated embryos.   It didn't go too well. I nearly cried.

I asked if I found embryos, if they would transfer them, and our single frozen embryo.  A quick summary of their answer: "if the sun, moon and stars are in perfect alignment."

Apparently, I'm the first person to ask this question. They have their own "donor program", but it consists of maybe 1-2 a year, and they go only to couples who have really severe infertility issues.  I'm ok with this and think this is a very good idea. I realize there are others who have ickier fertility issues than we do.

First, she said they have never transferred 2 different people's embryos into the same person. Ever. She's not sure if they ever would.  She could not give me a straight answer.

Second, they could possibly transfer someone elses embryos if (and this wording could be wrong, she was talking fast and I was writing it down) ..if they have the "donor eligibility determination and summary of records."  Everything has to abide by FDA and ASRM guides.  The FDA part, I was familiar with, but not the ASRM (American Society for Reproductive Medicine). Hey, I'm ok with doing this the "right" way. I'm not wanting to break rules here or anything.  At the same time, I cannot see how these clinics are doing it unethically.  But what do I know?

I just wanted to know if they would facilitate this or not. Yes or no. Simple answer. Or so I thought.  So, I guess I got my answer.

They would, however, be utterly delighted to do a fresh IVF cycle for a low price of $6800, plus ICSI $1200, plus assisted hatching $500.00. Oh, and don't forget the meds - $1000.  Grand total $9500.00.  We would be down with doing this, IF we hadn't already done 2 IVFs and dropped $20,000.00. 

She did suggest another option. We could try to transfer our frozen dude.  If the little guy doesn't thaw, we would just be out the cost of the meds. We would get most of the transfer fee back if it's not done. If we go through with the transfer, the cost is around $2,700.  (Plus meds)

I sound like a bad person, but I'm really not.  It even sounds kinda like we're trying to get a child the cheapest way possible. I'm not gonna lie and say money isn't a factor.  We truly thought the IVFs or fertility treatments we had would result in our family.  Failure was not something we even considered.

So now we're faced with monthly payments of 3 years of treatments, and no child.  My husband and I got married, bought a house and started the family path alot later than most.  We work our tails off and have done everything ourselves.  We've both been over our heads financially in the past, and we do not want to ever do that again.

Emotions are running through me again. I nearly cried talking with this lady. I'm sure she hears it every day.

It's just wrong that good people have to be put through this.  We just want a child.

Second Opinion RE

We saw the new RE on Thursday.  We were impressed.  He actually had a personality. Specialists usually tend to not be very personable, so we weren't expecting much in the personality arena.  We were pleasantly surprised that he was kinda nice.  It didn't seem like he was giving us his 'scripted' evaluation.

He looked over all of our records and saw nothing that seemed to be amiss. He said they do about 5 times more IVFs than the other clinic, and maybe their lab just didn't work well for us.  He said they have had many patients get pregnant with them, after having multiple failed IVFs elsewhere.  Suggested ICSI with assisted hatching and transfer of 2 embryos.  They could transfer 3, but he's having a high amount of triplets lately.  "So if you'll just see Cheryl, and write a check for $12,000.00, we'll get you scheduled right away".

I've not seen many specialists before.  Thankfully, I'm fairly healthy.  However, I still get the feeling that I'm at a car lot or an insurance sales office.  I can almost hear the salesman say "you pay, we do whatever you want".   This clinic was much more subtle about it, but I couldn't help but have that feeling.  Salesmen with Power.

So, they checked my records, measured my uterus and the size of my ovaries.  Everything looked fine, apparently.  He said they can do a semen analysis on my husband and a laproscopy on me and try IUI route again, or we can go straight to IVF.  They apparently do better, more thorough testing on semen. The laproscopy would help determine if my tubes are open enough to allow the eggs to pass through to  meet the sperm.  Apparently tubes can get scarred and icky from just normal ovulation and age.  Who'd a thought.  Anyway, we've had 3-4 IUIs, and multiple regular semen analysis'.  We all know his guys are messed up and he has low numbers.  I'm not convinced IUI's would result in anything more than an even emptier wallet.  Although we are both somewhat relieved to hear there's nothing majorly amiss with our past IVFs, we're at a different crossroad. 

We could: 

1. Do the semen analysis, laproscopy, IUI route - which is not cheap - I'm guessing somewhere around $5,000.00 at this clinic, and hope for a different result than last 3-4
2. Do another round of IVF - at a cost of around $12K, plus drive time and lots of time away from work--the clinic is 1.5 hours away from home, and hope for a different result than the last 2
3. Domestic adoption

I believe we're leaning towards domestic adoption at this point.  Anyone know anything about the Adoption Tax Credit for 2009?  Anyone used the Adoption Tax Credit in the past? Does it work as clearly as I think it does?  Does the government actually write you a check for $10K+  ?

Attempting to Fact Seek...

My husband and I talked over the weekend and have decided to talk with another doctor.  (I actually mentioned that I get my Christmas fund in Oct or Nov that would pay for an office visit) Anyway, I'm at this point where I just need to know. I need to know if we should be reaching for embryo adoption/donation or newborn domestic adoption.

So, I called another RE, about 100 miles away.  I left a message yesterday morning with the clinic, asking they call me back to schedule an appointment. Their message said it can take up to 2 days for a return call! Holy Cow! 2 days just to SCHEDULE an appointment?! Good grief.

Well, they called today. I briefly explained our situation. We aren't wanting to do any more fresh IVFs, we have one frozen embryo, interested in embryo donation/adoption and want to know more about what the problem is so we can figure out if we need to proceed with domestic adoption. They said an IVF nurse will call me. IVF nurse called this afternoon, I told her the same thing as the first person, and was referred to the embryo adoption/donation nurse, where I left a message for a return call on her voicemail. 

Now I wait for a callback to see who I will referred to next.  I really want a second opinion, someone to look at my records and tell me what's going on.  Are my eggs too old? Is there a problem with my uterus or implantation? We know nothing more now than we did before the 2 IVFs.  Except that we had 2 failed IVFs and are $18K poorer.  I also want to know about their embryo donation/adoption program, what's involved and if it would maybe work for us.

So, we'll see, when I get a callback, hopefully tomorrow.

Life has an interesting way of showing itself.

My husband and I made a concerted effort to remain childless before we met.  It was very important for us to wait until the time was right for us to begin a family.  This time took longer that most couples, but we were ok with that. 

I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). I won't go into major details, you can google just like anyone. But it basically creates all sorts of medical issues that generally have to be treated individually.  Some problems it can cause: High Blood Pressure, Insulin Resistence, hirsutism, difficulty losing weight, little to no periods, abnormal hormone levels, etc.  Of course, it can also cause fertility issues. Everyone is different.

I have known most of my life, due to this condition and having no periods, that I would need "assistance" in getting pregnant. My thoughts were that I could get pregnant, I would just need a little help from the medical world.  Little did I know that life had a different path for me.

My husband and I started "trying" to get pregnant pretty much on our honeymoon April 2006.  Nothing happened so shortly thereafter, we tried Clomid.  After multiple rounds of clomid, complete with a bazillion ultrasounds, mood swings and crazy swings, still nothing. It appeared that I was ovulating on the Clomid, just no baby.

We were referred to a local fertility center where we began a more agressive approach. I'm not sure when this was exactly, maybe towards the beginning or middle of 2007. We did a few IUIs (Intrauterine Insemination). Nothing.

The fertility center did a semen check on my husband and found he had some issues with his "dudes". I believe he had low count, and just poor quality spermies. They suggested we try IVF.

...to be continued.