You know them, people that looked at a calendar and chose x day to have sex and get pregnant. They chose x day because they can be pregnant a certain time of year, or be off work for the summer. They also did this 2 or more times, and in a few years, they have the perfect family they planned to have since they were 10. They can tell you the exact day and time each of their children were concieved.
This is great. I'm happy for them. I'm happy their lives work out so well for them. I'm happy they can trace their children back to cell-life. The cynic side of me wonders why stop there, why can't they trace back further? I mean, good grief, do it all the way or not at all.
I truly am not upset with them personally. It's great that people are so fertile. It's great that families are built so easily for a majority of the world. I would not wish infertility on anyone.
So, how does one deal with the fertile frannies who say "just chill, it'll happen", "you'll get pregnant when you least expect it", "if you just stop worrying, it'll happen." Oh, my favorites, "my sisters, boyfriend's, aunt's, neice got pregnant when she was riding the tilt-a-whirl at the county fair". I could go on and on. These have never bothered me before, but they are now.
In theory, it does make sense. But we're not really strung out worrying, we are just ready for a child. We're tired of messing around with this and that "hoping" for the best. We're ready to take whatever path that will lead us to a child. One of our own. That will stay with us. Live with us. That we can love and cherish. Be ours.
So, how does one deal with the comments? When distant friends/relatives mention it, I can brush it off. But when close friends mention it, not so much. Friends that have been with us through it all. They have seen the pain. See the dreams. How do you respond to them when they make those comments? They mean well. It doesn't mean it hurts any less.
I am obsessing some. Just a little. I don't feel too stressed out about it. I just have to be busy researching and I have to work towards a goal or path. If I just sit and do nothing, I'll go crazy, or craizer.
How do you keep from being bitter?
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I don't do very well at keeping myself from being bitter. At one time it really really consumed me and all I could think to do was pray to God to help me through it. It worked to a degree but not completely, and I think it's because part of me finds comfort in being bitter (I know that sounds crazy). I'm so used to the feeling though. I'm definitely still trying to be less angry. But what little hope is left is being chipped away each month I get a BFN.
ReplyDeleteI haven't really had many insensitive comments from fertiles, luckily. I'm almost afraid to think of what I'd say if I DID get a comment like that! :)
I literally went into hiding for almost two years. I rarely spoke to anyone at church, avoided baby showers like the plague, and went through a very bitter phase. I'm convinced God forgave the bitterness, and my good friends forgave the rest. Infertility sucks, and unless you've been there, you have no idea.
ReplyDeleteOh, and frequently I imagined myself punching people in the face; that always made me feel a little better.
I also started journaling,and I was very honest in my journal. That completely helped. Hang in there...you aren't alone, if that helps!